Choose Positive Living with Sara Troy and her guest David Essel, on air September 19th
Everyone talks about how they’re such an honest person. How they wish everyone else would be as honest as they are. But for most of us, it’s a total illusion. Most people in America are petrified of living an honest life, regardless of what they might try to tell themselves on a daily basis
This might seem startling to many. Maybe even you.
We’ve been told since were a little kid that honesty is the best policy. Abe Lincoln is immortalized in a story about being honest.
But it doesn’t matter what your parents said, doesn’t matter what Abe Lincoln did, because most of us are so petrified of being honest that we would rather tell white lies, be passive aggressive in nature, then risk being honest with those around us.
Number one bestselling author, life coach, counsellor and Radio host David Essel has seen firsthand the damaging effects of people who are afraid, to be honest in life with their partners, kids, friends, coworkers and parents.
The fear of honesty can be wrapped up in a word called co-dependency. Into thousand two, David called co-dependency “the largest Addiction in the world today.”
So before you read any further, are you an honest person? On a scale of 1 to 10, would you claim that you’re 100% honest 100% of the time? Or only 10% of the time?
Here’s what David Essel believes are the four biggest blocks to living an honest life. David has been called “the new leader in the positive thinking movement” by celebrity Jenny McCarthy, for good reasons. He’s honest.
” most of us are raised to be honest. At least that’s what our parents, society and teachers tell us. Always be honest. But what percentage of our society actually lives an honest life?
I can tell you from my own experience that rarely was I honest growing up, in college, and even in the beginning of my professional career with most people.
And there are reasons for that. It’s not that we are dishonest because were bad people, but because we’re afraid of the ramifications of what it would look like to lead an honest life.
Below are my four top key reasons why most of us are currently not honest, and unless we really get on the ball, will not be honest for the rest of our lives. It’s sad. But true.
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Number one. Fear of being rejected by family, friends, partners co-workers and more. Most of us aren’t honest because we’re afraid that people are going to reject us. They’re gonna tell us that was stupid. Whatever we’re talking about, whatever side of the fence we’re taking, in conversations, most of us would rather avoid being honest so that we couldn’t be rejected.
Number two. Our fear of being embarrassed. If we stand for a cause and talk openly and honestly about how we feel about a social situation, economic situation, Addiction situation, educational situation, we’re afraid that if we speak our mind honestly we might be embarrassed to find out that we could be wrong. Or we might embarrass ourselves by not knowing as much as we might think we do about a certain topic. So instead of risking embarrassment, we will go along and agree with whoever we’re talking to in a certain circumstance.
Number three. Our fear of being ridiculed. Being ridiculed is a little different than being rejected. Being ridiculed means that we could be made fun of if we’re honest. If 20 years ago you were a Chicago Cubs fan, you may not openly admit it to people because the Cubs had struggled for so long. And if you were honest with them, you’re afraid that you might be ridiculed for liking a team that had been one of the biggest losers in sports franchise history.
Number four. The fear of abandonment. The greatest fear that most humans have is that if they were honest with people they would be abandoned. This is one of the reasons why so many gay people stay in the closet, or transgender’s, or bi sexual’s…… Because they’re afraid of being abandoned by their friends, partners, family, co-workers and society in general. The fear of abandonment is absolutely one of the greatest fears in the world, and it’s one of the reasons why we choose not to be honest in life.
If you look at the above statements… You can evaluate your own life. I was one of those people for years that didn’t want to rock the boat, didn’t want to have people upset with me, didn’t want to have people reject me, embarrassed me, ridicule me and God for bid someone might leave my life because of my opinions.
The paragraph above is a definition of codependency. I was highly co-dependent in my world. It wasn’t until 1997, when I worked for 52 straight weeks with a counsellor, that I found the depth of my codependency.
I’d also found that I wasn’t honest in my relationships. If I wasn’t happy with a woman I was dating, I might bring it up once or twice, but if I didn’t get the end result I wanted, in other words, if she didn’t agree with my position, I would slowly back out. I would disappear into my addictions. Or have an affair. Or work longer hours. Anything to avoid having to face the consequences of a disagreement.
Our fear of being honest is a fear of rocking the boat, so we are dishonest, or omit our true feelings, or hide behind someone else’s feelings, or use passive aggressive behaviour instead of facing the facts and being honest. Independent.
Currently, of the thousands of people, I have worked with in the last 27 years as a counsellor and a life coach from all over the world, 50% of my clients are battling codependency. They are afraid of living an honest life. And they’re shocked to find when we start working together, that there in the majority, and their main addiction is that of co-dependency.
The great news is with the help of a fantastic counsellor, minister, priest, life coach or other types of professional you can shatter your need to be liked and accepted by everyone, and risk being yourself. A powerful, independent person living in this world.
If you need help on how to do this, contact me directly. I know the way, I once was in that place of dishonesty, and the freedom that not only myself but thousands of clients have found in leading an honest life is amazing. It’s not always easy by any means. But it simply amazing.”